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Reviewer: Thebiguglyalien (talk · contribs) 23:49, 19 May 2023 (UTC)
I'll get a review of this done shortly. Thebiguglyalien (talk) 23:49, 19 May 2023 (UTC)
re: section name changed to “response”.
representing women's (Kandakas') participation in the revolution.— "Kandakas" might be confusing here because it links to something that seemingly has nothing to do with the revolution. Maybe just say "women's participation" and elaborate on the term in the body of the article.
re: fixed and kept the term as it explains the origin of the picture name
A state of emergency was declared in February 2019 as a result of the protests, and the days of 6 and 7 April saw the largest protests since the declaration of this state of emergency– Try to avoid using the same phrase twice in a row. This sentence has "state of emergency was declared" and "declaration of this state of emergency".
re: duplication removed and sentenced rephrased
but the demonstrators claimed it was just a change of leadership of the same regime and demanded a civilian transitional council– Try to avoid "claimed", as it can cast doubt on what's being said. Also, this sentence runs on for a while, it might be a good idea to split the change in government and the demonstrator response into two different sentences.
re: rephrased to remove “claimed” and split into to sentences
Hundreds of thousands of people heeded the call– "Heeded the call" seems dramatic.
re: changed
Some security forces tried to attack the protesters, while the military took their side and fired back.– This could be clearer. Who was where? Who was doing what to whom?
re: clarified
The following Sunday&
On Monday morning– If we know the date, then does it matter what day of the week it was?
re: Monday removed
Police were instructed not to intervene.– Who were these police? Local police? Government police forces?
re: police linked to Sudan (state) police
of an initially unnamed woman– This makes it sound like she didn't have a name at all. Maybe "an initially unknown woman" would be better.
re: fixed to unknown
since January 2018 and even during earlier protests against the Sudanese government in September 2013– "Since January 2018" suggests that this was the first time it was used, and "even" seems to dramatize it. It would be clearer if it said that the slogan was used during the 2018–2019 revolution and earlier in the 2011–2013 Sudanese protests.
re: done
Haroun shared the best image online– The best image according to whom?
re: “best” remove. I remember reading this somewhere but couldn’t find it
a powerful representation of women's leadership in social movements– "Powerful" seems like an opinion.
re: removed
Sources are generally reliable. The use of Twitter is acceptable in this instance as a primary source. The only possible issue here is the use of the Daily Mirror, which is a questionable source. The statement is already sourced by other sources, so maybe the Daily Mirror should just be removed.
re: Daily Mirror removed
Spotchecks:
re: no, it was not mentioned. reliable sources added
re: removed
The image has also inspired a wave of feminist and women's rights activism in Sudan, with many women taking to the streets and using social media to voice their demands for equality and representation?
re: Not directly, removed as ref 17 covers that sentence
"Sudanese revolution's icon"is in quotes, but this quote doesn't seem to appear in the article. Either the quotation should be paraphrased, or only citations using that quote should be included.
re: the quotation were removed, but it a appears in all three articles (not verbatim)
Broad:
re: I think the "Response and impact" section answer your questions without having to do any original research. Sudanese media is government controlled, so no. I still have a link to the twitter thread where the image was picked up and a video to the whole thing but this is not mentioned in any reliable source. In the video you can see also her face has the old Sudanese flag but again not mentioned in any reliable source. The poem she reciting is well-known, but again no sources. As far as Do we know how this image came to be known outside of Sudan? Was there any political or government response to it, domestically or internationally?
I think the response section answers this question, cannot think if you mean something else
was invited to several interviewsand that she co-wrote a book, but it's hard to tell how significant these things were without more details.
re: can you explain what you mean by "significant", as delivering a speech at the 29 October 2019 meeting of the United Nations Security Council is significant. She left the country and lives somewhere in the UK but again I cannot find a reliable source or non primary source to include this.
No excessive detail:
re: removed
The list also included Tank Man in 1989 and self-immolation of Thích Quảng Đức in 1963 among many.– This is not relevant.
re: removed (was there to emphasise significance)
re: I strongly disagree on this one as this photo might be the most well-known but the other photos were also circulated, especially Yasuyoshi Chiba photo. I understand the counter-argument of the need to stay focused on the topic, but I do think including that section cause a distraction but rather points to other equally great photos.
re: Sudanese revolution section is for the context on why the image matters. no source mentions Salah expereince before as she was not a leader and did not have a role. There are many pictures similar to this but this is the one that picked by media as it succinctly described the revolution, not - necessarily - Salah (remember for a while no one cared about the person). There is a focus on the aftermath, as Salah became to be known, and also the aftermath for the context where this picture existed, i.e., the Sudanese revolution. I can see they might be an issue of style, but I am also bound with where the coverage lays. To quote Lana Haroun (the photographer) "It is not about the photo ... it is about Sudanese people and Sudan's situation now"
The sequence of events is described neutrally. The significance of the image is explained without presenting the protesters and the government as heroes or villains.
No recent disputes.
Image is obviously relevant and has a valid non-free use tag. It was directed at an older title for the article, but I've fixed it, so it's all good. Caption is suitable.
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