Conscious uncoupling

"Conscious uncoupling" is a neologism used in the 21st century to refer to a relatively amicable breakup or marital divorce. It was popularized by Gwyneth Paltrow in 2014, when she used the phrase to describe her and her husband Chris Martin’s then-recent separation.^[1]

Background

Sociologist Diane Vaughan proposed an "uncoupling theory" in 1976. Vaughan saw the process where a relationship reaches a crossroads, when both parties realize that "everything went dead inside". It usually is followed by a lengthy phase, during which one of the partners (the "respondent") holds on to the failing relationship, in spite of unconsciously knowing that it is coming to the end.^[2]

Vaughan perceived the process of the breakup affecting the initiator and respondent unevenly. While the breakup initiator "has begun mourning the loss of the relationship",^[3] the respondent has not. Vaughan suggests that "to make their own transition out of the relationship, partners must redefine initiator and relationship negatively, legitimating the dissolution".^[4]

Vaughan proposed that "getting out of a relationship includes a redefinition of self at several levels: in the private thoughts of the individual, between partners, and in the larger social context in which the relationship exists".^[5]

Vaughan sees the uncoupling process as finished when "the partners have defined themselves and are defined by others as separate and independent of each other - when being partners is no longer a major source of identity".^[5]

Marriage and family therapist Katherine Woodward Thomas has been credited with coining the term in 2009.^[6][7]

Usage

Gwyneth Paltrow popularized the terms "conscious uncoupling" to describe her separation from Chris Martin.^[1][8]

Criticism

Tracy Schorn commented that the term was being received with “the snark and derision it so rightly deserves.”^[6]